how to cook (a deku)
by SoulHorse
Summary: Kirishima's cooking lesson goes ridiculously awry when the rest of Class 1-A wants in on the fun.


**apparently i still post here**

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"Teach me how to cook."

The question comes out of nowhere and Katsuki blinks and stares at Kirishima Eijirou, who's lounging on the couch next to him, feet propped up on the coffee table.

"The fuck?" he demands, feeling somewhat startled by the question.

Kirishima leans forward, taking his feet down and propping his elbows up to look at Katsuki in the eye.

"I said, teach me how to cook," he says, a determined gleam in his crimson eyes.

Katsuki frowns. "Why? When have you ever wanted to learn how to fucking cook?"

Kirishima shrugs nonchalantly. "I mean, we've been living in the dorms and you know how to cook and that's super manly! And I also feel bad that you've been cooking for both me and you, so I wanna, y'know, learn how to cook so you don't always have to."

A flush of pink dusts across Katsuki's cheeks and he curses underneath his breath. Stupid Kirishima. Always saying sweet shit like that.

Before he can stop himself, he blurts, "Fucking fine. When?"

A brilliant grin lights up Kirishima's face. "How about now?"

Katsuki sighs. It's not like he's doing anything better right now.

"Fine."

Kirishima lets out a whoop and starts for the kitchen as the ash blonde slumps into the couch.

Fuck him and his nonexistent self control and Kirishima Eijirou's shitty puppy eyes and bright as fuck smile.

x

"So! Where do we start?"

Eijirou's donned a bright red apron, his hair pushed back by a bandanna. It's a lazy day at the dorms; it's a weekend and he really had no need to spike his hair.

Bakugou leans against the kitchen island, tying a knot in his black apron.

"Well, what do you want to make?" he asks.

Eijirou blinks and considers the question. "I don't…actually know."

Bakugou lets out a _tch_ and opens a drawer, rifling through the stacks of junk, until he pulls out a small white book, neatly labelled: _101 Recipes._ He tosses it towards Eijirou, who catches it before it hits the floor.

"Search and tell me when you find something you wanna make," he mutters.

Eijirou feels a wide smile cross his face and he chirps, "Thanks Baku-bro!"

"Fucking whatever."

_Such a Bakugou answer,_ he thinks fondly, opening the cook book. He flicks through the pages, feeling his mouth water at the sight of the dishes. Pages and pages of different kinds of meat pass by, from bacon to chicken to beef and Eijirou is practically drooling by the time he enters the dessert section.

"Hey! Whatcha doing?"

A pink head pops into the kitchen, trailed by a blonde and raven haired male.

"Hey Mina, Kaminari, Sero!" Eijirou greets with a smile. "Bakugou's gonna teach me how to cook!"

"Damn, that's pretty manly," Kaminari comments, taking a seat on a stool at the counter. "Make food for us!"

Sero grins and whacks his friend in the head. "I wouldn't eat Kiri's cooking right now. It could be poisoned, seeing as it's his first time in the kitchen."

Eijirou pouts at his friends. "You guys are mean! It won't be that bad!"

"Tch. That's questionable," Bakugou mutters offhandedly.

Eijirou groans and the other three laugh. Mina throws an arm around the redhead, a smile on her face.

"Hey, Kiri! Convince Baku-bro to teach me how to cook too!"

Eijirou sputters and Bakugou's eyes bug. "What the fuck?!"

"Oh! Oh! Me too!" Kaminari stands up and almost trips over his own feet. "I wanna get a cooking lesson!"

"I guess, me too!" Sero shrugs. "Why not?"

"You've got to be fucking kidding," Bakugou deadpans. "Fuck no."

"Please Baku-bro?!" Kaminari latches onto Bakugou's arm, a hopeful look in his golden eyes.

Bakugou shakes him off off, glowering. "Hell no."

"C'mon, why does Kirishima get the special treatment?" A slow, shit-eating grin spreads across Mina's face. "Is it because—

"Fucking fine!" Bakugou snaps. "Pick something you wanna cook, for fuck's sake. And hurry up, or else I'm gonna fucking leave."

Kirishima beams, and shifts the book in his hands to share with Kaminari, Sero, and Mina. "Thanks Bakugou!"

The ash blonde huffs and turns away and Kirishima grins, before going through the recipes again.

x

"Alright! Can we make curry?" Kirishima thrusts the book into Katsuki's face and takes it, skimming the ingredients.

"Jesus Christ. Finally fucking done."

"Hey! It was a difficult choice!" Mina protests. She sports a pink apron and Kaminari and Sero are in black.

Katsuki rolls his eyes and begins reading off the ingredient list. "I'm only gonna say this once, so you better listen up fuckers. Get 540 milliliters of water, vegetable oil…"

As Katsuki began to rattle off the ingredients, the four friends stare at each other blankly, before they process the instructions given to them.

"SHIT BAKUGOU! WHAT'S THE FIRST ONE AGAIN?!"

Kaminari dashes off to the pantry, followed by Mina, and Sero and Kirishima crack open a cupboard, peering into it.

The ash blonde stops his recitation to watch his friends panic and he face palms with a sigh of, "Fucking idiots."

x

"So, you're fucking telling me this whole kitchen only has THREE of these goddamn ingredients?!" Katsuki explodes.

The other four grin sheepishly. "Yes?"

"Motherfucker—okay, fine. What the fuck do we have?"

Kaminari and Mina smirk and hold up their discovery. "We have three carrots!"

"Some water," Sero gestures towards a jug of water.

"I think this is oil?" Kirishima eyes his bottle of clear, yellow liquid.

Katsuki mutters a line of unintelligible curses, before saying, "Shitty Hair, Soy Sauce, you're with me. Pikachu and Raccoon Eyes, you're on cutting duty. Cut and peel those damn carrots and they should be done when we get back."

"Aye sir!"

x

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Bakugou drops his bags at the sight of the kitchen and Eijirou can't help but snicker at the blonde's stunned reaction. The whole of Class 1-A, save for Midoriya, Iida, Aoyama, and Todoroki, chats as they linger around the kitchen and at the counter is Sato and Uraraka, helping Mina and Kaminari cut the carrots.

"What the fuck are all these extras doing here?!" he demands, glowering at the unfazed students.

"Oh!" Uraraka turns towards them with a smile. "I smelled something burning and I got curious as to who was in the kitchen, so I came to check it out and I found Mina and Kaminari at the stove!"

Bakugou turns to Kaminari and Mina, a furious aura radiating off of him.

"What the fuck are you doing with the stove?"

The pair chuckles nervously and avert their eyes form Bakugou, almost sheepishly.

"We…tried to boil water? Because Kaminari almost lost a finger cutting carrots," Mina laughs awkwardly, scratching her head.

"How the fuck—"

"I finished!" Kaminari holds his board up triumphantly, unevenly cut carrot slices sitting in a pile.

Behind him, Sato shakes his head with exasperation and slinks out of the kitchen, with a mutter of, "He's hopeless."

"That's godawful," Bakugou deadpans, point-blank, and the blonde collapses.

"Bakugou-kun, since when are you giving cooking lessons?" Yaoyorozu sits at a table, head propped on a hand, staring at the group. "I didn't think it was in you to be so kind."

A low "burn" comes from the corner of the room, and Bakugou's mouth opens to fire a retort, when Eijirou finally decides to interfere. He places himself in between his friend and the young woman, and offers what he hopes is a placating smile.

"She just means that she's surprised that you offered to help us brush up on our cooking skills!" Eijirou deflects. "It's really cool of you to that, by the way, bro."

Bakugou scowls and brushes Eijirou off, muttering, "I only offered to help you, not those other fuck munches."

Eijirou feels his face flush crimson; luckily, Bakugou isn't heard by anyone else and Hagakure on the other side of the room calls out, "Hey Bakugou, can you teach me too?"

"I too would like a lesson! I think it would be incredibly helpful for when we leave the dorms!" Yaoyorozu inputs with a sweet smile.

"Ah…in that case, I think I'd like a lesson as well." Ojirou scratches his head with a sheepish smile, and next to him, Tokoyami and Shoji nod in agreement.

"I would like to learn as well, ribbit~!

"Same here!"

"Ah man…I can only cook ramen. Maybe I should learn too."

One by one, each member of Class 1-A murmurs their wishes for a cooking class and Eijirou puts a hand on Bakugou's shoulder, watching his eye twitch.

"It's alright dude. It won't be too bad?" he says, shooting him a winning smile, but Bakugou is too far gone and the entire room erupts in explosions and a list of extremely creative cuss words.

x

Bakugou sends Tokoyami, Uraraka, Koda, Mina, and Shinsou on a grocery run to replace the ingredients his Quirk destroyed in the riot, while giving directions to Sato to teach Kaminari, Sero, and Hagakure how to properly cut vegetables.

He puts Jirou and Yaoyorozu in charge of washing and peeling the vegetables and has Ojirou and Tsuyu watch the stove.

Eijirou smiles as he cuts the potatoes he had been assigned to. Out of the corner of his eye, he watches Bakugou bustle around, growling whenever someone does something wrong, and quickly fixing it, followed by a string of curses.

Aoyama and Iida drift downstairs soon after, called by the clatter of dishes and chatter of their dorm mates; Bakugou immediately puts them to work cleaning the meat with the words, "If you stay in this goddamn kitchen, you're gonna fucking cook, you hear me?"

"Who knew Bakugou was such a dorm mom?" Sero jokes as he passes by with a basket of chopped carrots.

"I fucking heard that, Tape Shit!" the ash blonde shouts from next to Hagakure.

Eijirou can't help but laugh. "He's something all right. But I never expected him to just let everyone join us in the kitchen."

Kaminari, from behind Eijirou, prods his cheek playfully. "Baku-bro's getting soft!"

"I'M GONNA FUCKING MURDER YOUR DISCOUNT PIKACHU ASS!"

"Ahh, I think I heard Uraraka and Mina come in with the groceries! Gotta go!" Kaminari bolts for the door, followed by a fuming Bakugou holding a wooden spoon.

The grocery team amble inside the foyer and Kaminari is quick to offer to help carry the bags inside. Eijirou rolls his eyes at his friend's antics and drops his knife to go help the others as well.

The spicy scent of the curry begins to drift around the rooms and everyone is in the kitchen now, pitching in to help clean, cut, and cook the meat, or peel and chop the vegetables.

Eijirou is on his fifth round of potatoes when Bakugou looks over his shoulder, crimson eyes scrutinizing his work.

"You're holding the knife all wrong, Shitty Hair," the ash blonde says. Eijirou looks up at his friend, and his eyebrows are furrowed, lips curved in disgruntled line.

"Well, how am I supposed to hold it?"

"Like this, Hair For Brains."

As Bakugou leans over to correct his hands, saying something all the while about how holding the knife incorrectly could cut his hands, Eijirou feels heat rush to his face at the intimate closeness of their bodies, the feel of his friend's rough hands over his.

"…it also makes you cut slow as hell. Holding it like this helps you cut faster," Bakugou explains. He peers at the stack of potatoes on the board, before he mutters, "You're so fucking slow Kirishima."

He swipes the knife from the stunned, blushing redhead and dices them at rapid speed.

"See, if you fucking practice cutting right, you can get through all these damn vegetables in like, ten minutes instead of three hours."

Eijirou nods faintly, still shaken at Bakugou's uncaring closeness from before. Fuck, he was supposed to be paying attention. Everyone was cooking curry now, learning how to cook, because of him, because he asked Bakugou to teach him.

He tries to focus in, but his heart stops altogether when Bakugou looks up from his work, crimson eyes glittering.

"You know what I think of when I cut this fast?" he asks. His sweet breath blows past Eijirou's cheeks and he feels himself burn redder.

"W-What?"

A savage smirk settles on Bakugou's face.

"I think that I'm dicing and slicing Deku. It fucking works wonders."

His words snap Eijirou out of stupor and he splutters, "Not cool dude! You shouldn't be thinking of one of our classmates like that—"

"Hey everyone! What's going on?"

Midoriya Izuku ambles down the stairs, dressed in a _Plus Ultra!_ shirt, rubbing his eyes. There's a curious smile on his freckled face, and behind him, Todoroki follows silently.

"Ah, Bakugou's teaching us how to cook!" Uraraka waves a wooden spoon at the green haired boy with a bright smile. "Wanna join us?"

Midoriya's head swivels to stare at the ash blonde, eyes wide. "Kacchan? You're teaching?"

Eijirou doesn't miss the way Bakugou's hand tightens on the hilt of the knife. "Yeah. What's it to you, Deku?"

"Oh! I just think it's cool of you! I mean, you always cook good food and it's just surprising to see that you're actually trying to teach everyone…"

Midoriya begins to ramble and Eijirou grabs at Bakugou's arm as he starts to make his way over to the other boy.

"Wait, Bakugou, don't—"

The ash blonde shakes him off and marches towards the rambling green haired boy, knife in hand. The whole common room falls silent as they watch Bakugou and Midoriya, eyes wide.

Bakugou shoves Midoriya hard, and the whole room reacts, heading towards the pair, with every intention to rip the blonde off the green haired boy.

"Wait!" Eijirou darts in front of his classmates and holds his hands out. "Don't; not yet."

"He's got a knife!" Uraraka hisses.

"We must disarm Bakugou-kun immediately!" Iida makes his chopping movements. "He might seriously injury Midoriya-kun!"

"Just…just watch." Eijirou can't explain as he turns away from the other two and keeps his eyes on his friend. "I don't think he'll hurt Midoriya."

Everyone falls silent again, watching the pair. Midoriya is pinned to the wall by Bakugou, his eyes wide and hands shaking. Todoroki is the closest to them, and he ignores the rest of the class, heading for his friend, but Midoriya shakes his head quickly.

"K-K-Kacchan?" Midoriya's voice trembles. "W-What are you…"

Bakugou releases the other boy and shoves the knife into his hands. "If you can stand around and talk, you can fucking cook. Go dice some shit."

The class releases a collective breath, and Midoriya goes to the kitchen, while Bakugou wheels on the rest of the class.

"What the hell are you extras doing? Go watch the shitty stove, or you'll burn our food!"

The mob disperses and Eijirou lingers to talk to Bakugou.

"Dude, that was terrifying. Everyone thought you were gonna cut him or something!" he exclaims.

Bakugou lets out a _tch_ and turns his head away. "I wouldn't kill him in front of you goddamn shit stains."

_I would never kill him._

Eijirou smiles and slings his arm around Bakugou. "Of course you wouldn't. Now, let's go finish this curry!"

x

The curry ends up not being burnt and Yaoyorozu and Iida set the tables, while everyone scuttles into seats.

"I can't believe I finally cooked something decent!" Mina beams proudly.

"It was a class effort, ribbit," Tsuyu points out, but the pink haired girl waves her off.

"Still! It's all thanks to Bakugou, and I never thought I'd ever be saying that in my life!" Mina continues.

"Oi! What's that supposed to fucking mean, Raccoon Eyes?!"

Eijirou laughs and pats his friend's back. "She's just joking. Now, let's dig in!"

The class cheers and takes a bite out of their food. For a moment, there's silence in the room, and Kaminari breaks with a shriek of, "WATER! WATER!"

"HOT! HOT! HOT!" Hagakure screeches and she nearly trips over Mina on her way to the fridge.

"This is…a bit spicy," Yaoyorozu admits, a napkin over her mouth.

"What do you mean, a bit?! My mouth is on fire!" Sero yelps. He grabs the water bottle from Kaminari's hands and chugs the rest, fanning his mouth.

"It's good, but my mouth hurts!" Jirou groans, slumping in her chair.

"Spicier than expected, ribbit," Tsuyu fans her mouth, her tongue out. "Bakugou-kun, how are you still eating?"

The whole class turns to stare at the ash blonde, who's lounging on the couch and taking bites of his curry.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Kaminari explodes. "FUCKING DEMON!"

"TODOROKI TOO?!" Uraraka shrieks, pointing at the red and white haired boy, who slowly looks up from his bowl.

He blinks slowly, before saying, "It's good."

The whole class faints in astonishment.

"Tch. Fucking weak," Bakugou mutters, rising from his chair and grabbing his wallet.

Todoroki looks at the other, eyebrow raised. "Where are you going, Bakugou?"

"To go get these motherfuckers some McDonald's before they fucking starve, that's where."


End file.
